In a little under twenty-four hours, it will be the third anniversary of my older brother’s death.

This day is difficult for me to deal with, besides the obvious reasons, because I find myself wondering how his last day was. I like to think that he had an excellent day and that everything was going his way. But, I can’t get too comfortable with that idea because what kind of higher power would have someone die in such a horrific way if they just had an awesome day. And really, why should having a bad day warrant tragic death? It doesn’t make sense to me. This will probably never make sense to me.

To spare the gory details, my brother was killed in a car accident. He was twenty-three.

I will always miss him.

It blows my mind that it has been three years since the accident. The things he’s missed, the music, the movies, watching his niece and nephews grow up, milestones in his own life. Life is so precious and can be taken away without warning, without preparation, and unfairly.

I do want to find a way to include him in the wedding. This is a struggle, because I am unsure of how to honor those we have lost.

Is there supposed to be a sign, a mention on the program, something mentioned in the ceremony? I don’t really know.

The only idea I have is to request with my DJ that this song be played during the reception.

While it isn’t much, it’s something. A sentiment — one that the majority of my family members would understand. I would’ve selected another of his favorite songs, but I don’t know how to incorporate Rage Against the Machine into the party. Besides, Chicken Fried was his favorite song at the time of his death. And knowing my brother, I know that he would rather be at the party.

Does this sound stupid? Should I be doing more?


One thought on “Philip

  1. I am so sorry about your brother. I think honoring him with a song at your wedding is a fantastic idea. Maybe the DJ could make an announcement before the song about your brother like “This song was the favorite song of the bride’s brother…”.

    My friend April’s father passed away when she was in high school. So at her wedding, she had a memorial candle at her ceremony to represent her father’s presence.

    I’m sending you massive amounts of hugs!!

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